Thanks to you.

Want to just thank all my readers for the support through the good and bad. I didn't open all the way up but I did open up to you guys to a certain extent. The support I got for yesterdays posts were awesome. I'm pretty happy I decided to post and not be selfish. I will continue to post as eventful things continue to happen. Just wanted to thank all you guys. Had over 150 reads yesterday alone, and the messages I got regarding the post made me realize I speak to more people than I thought. Till the next one.... God Bless

ATL-MIA-SPAIN-MIA-SPAIN

Edit: Mixed all my previous blog posts and made just one big one. A full complete update, enjoy! An update…Better late than ne…so cliche, never mind. Anyways last you guys heard about me I was on a plane on my way to Miami after failing to land a spot on the Atlanta Silverbacks NASL squad. When I got to Miami apparently my dad spoke about me to a friend of his who had a connect in Spain and told him that they could have me trial over there if I wanted too after seeing my resume. I would have to pay the flight though. I was thinking of not going, figuring if I didn't make the Atlanta team how would I make it to 2nd division club in Spain, but with my parents insisting that I go, and given this is my dream to play football overseas how could I say no? So I did what I do, leave Miami again, hop on a plane and continue to chase the dream. I came with a great mindset, my mindset was very much alike what you read in the last post about dreams. I was really close and connected with God and living strong and responsible. Just like I was in Atlanta as well. I thought I finally made that full conversion and let go of all things holding me back. Well in Spain I planned on staying a month, 2 weeks into training with the reserves squad and a few first team guys I was feeling great. The players & coaches had gotten a liking to me and things were going good. Then in the middle of a training session I feel a tear in my quad muscle, I finish through the rest of training (adrenaline) and then proceed to get a massage after training. While laying on the table the fisio of the team started to massage my quad when he felt the "gap" he tells me he's certain I have a tear. I'm in a lot of pain and he tells me he can't massage me he may make it worse. I was told to pass by later that day to get it checked out by the doctor. Sure enough we ran the tests and I had a tear in my muscle 3cm deep. It would leave me out at least two weeks, which was the rest of my trial period…..I decided you're only given a chance like this once, so I speak to the trainers, and manager and decide I will sit out a week and come back after that. So I do that, but when I came back I was definitely not at 100% I figured I had to suck it up and continue to push. Then my month of trial comes to an end semi-succesfully I guess. The manager and director speak to me and ask if I'd like to stay another month for them to have a better look at me. I oblige and say I'm starting to feel better with my muscle. The next session I decide to really push myself, I have a great session but feel in a lot pain again. I get checked out again by the doctors after training etc, they tell me I'm done. I ripped my muscle again, and to further play on it without proper rest could really affect me long term and that it wasn't worth it. I literally lay on the fisio table in tears bemoaning my bad luck & just so frustrated. I felt like I couldn't catch a break and was beginning to doubt myself. So I speak with the manager, and director again they tell me to get healed up and report for pre season, I feel lucky now and am so excited to get healed up and return. Miami, oh how I have this love hate relationship with you. I set up a 3x a week therapy sessions mixed with upper body work outs and rest/working for my dad. I needed to rehab for a month, after that I was cleared and ready to begin training and getting my body fit to return to Spain and hopefully land a contract! I would have a month to do so. I continue with the gym, but now I've added playing pick up games, some 5s a side, some 11s a side and training 2x a week with my "mentor" so to speak in Miami. I feel great and I'm doing well with some minor slip ups, of alcohol outings (nothing new), outings with girls (nothing new), and putting myself in situations where I think I'm allowed or better yet I deserve to be in, because of my hard work week. This takes me back to the dreams post, have you ever seen those YouTube videos of motivation and inspiration? Do you ever see partying, cell phone, girls, alcohol, in those videos? Na, you see sacrifice, dedication, willingness! But for whatever reason whenever I seem to gain any sort of small success I feel I deserve to do what I please. On the contrary when you have some success you need to prepare yourself even more for whats about to come! But na, I lie to myself and others with how I go about certain things. I give such great advice but can't seem to take my own. So anyways before I continue to get off topic, things continue to progress in that manner and before I head to Spain I take a weekend to go to Vegas to celebrate my brothers birthday. I won't even get into what happened in Vegas on here, but whatever we have a great time or whatever. But now it's time to leave to Spain, in my greatest natural form I pack less than 24 hours before my flight. At the airline a whole fiasco, this one I'm going to keep personal as well but a whole fiasco between my family pops off at the airport before I leave. Already in bad spirits and falling more out of touch with my relationship with God, and more into "my life" and doing it as I please. Anyways everything gets sorted out, I depart from my family with some strange, angry good-byes…I've never been good at this, but given what had just happened this made it one of my worst good-byes ever. About 14 hours later I'm finally back in the city of Valladolid and ready to get going. I rest for the weekend and get ready to report to training on Monday, for whatever reason I was in this "fuc* everyone" mode and was in thought process of like I'm here to play not make friends. I'm kinda embarrassed by my behavior that day in the dressing room. I basically walk in don't greet anybody unless they greet me, and tell the equipment manager where are my clothes? He says have you spoken to anybody about training today? And I responded yeah the director told me to report today. Which he snapped back well he's in Japan right now, so you can go have a word with the manager about training today. I stormed out, naturally embarrassed since I was confident I was about to train. I speak with the manager and we have a distasteful conversation that I won't care to repeat but now I was standing outside very frustrated, and angry. After speaking with someone in management I'm told to report to training on Thursday and to get there early to speak with the manager. That night I went home, and changed my thought process and began to humble myself. I did in my own way, but without prayer. It had been maybe a few weeks at this point where I hadn't really fell to my knees and prayed to God. I prayed to him, and gave him the occasional thank you but no serious interaction or relationship with him for quite some time. So thursday arrives, it's 830AM on the dot I arrive to the training grounds. Training doesn't begin till 930, there are no cars in the parking lot. I felt like I was waiting for my girlfriend to arrive after sending me a text saying "We need to talk" instead I just waiting for the manager. I was going to ask if I could be allowed to train and trial with them for the preseason as was prearrange. Me signing in Europe was HUGE cause my parents basically said they wouldn't support me no longer soccer wise after this. I waited for exactly 23 minutes what felt more like 2 hours, when the manager finally parks and I wait for him to get out of his car and walk to the door where I'm at. The conversation to make it short ended with me just asking to be evaluated honestly, that he knows I play left back and said we are kind of filled at that position to which I say just give me a chance to show you what I have to offer, if you don't like it it's fine if you do then good for both of us. Either way no hard feelings or anything I just want a chance, to which he said did you bring your running shoes? And I answered "Yes". He responded Go change and get ready. The first session dealt with a bus ride to the woods, where we ran this trail. After some stretching and warm up, we run 4 kilometers in 16 minutes, 5 minute break another 4 kilometers in 15 minutes followed by a 10 minute break then 7 sprints over a distance of 150 meters. My first day and I was gassed! I felt like all the running around Miami I did whether it was the gym, playing small sided, or beach soccer it paid off. Eric Thomas words kept playing in my head "When you wanna succeed as bad as you wanna breathe then you'll be successful!" I had that in my mind in the last 1/4 kilometer where my lungs were breathing heavyyyyyy I said to myself I'm gonna pass out before I stop running. I finished nicely at the top of my group. I was pretty satisfied with my performance, from there went home had lunch, a shake, rehydrated a bit and passed out till the next session later that day. I got out there and did well. It was an exciting first day. Fast forward now, two weeks later after my arrogance and unwillingness to pray or get my mind in a right state of mind I'm told my services wouldn't be needed. I get a call from a 3rd division team with a contract offer though, so not all is bad! The offer though is ridiculous and I must decline, and go back to a contract I'm already tied up with (happily I might add) the Wichita Wings. So where has my arrogance, and disrespect of myself gotten me? Not where I want to be. I feel like I suck at this thing we call life, I sound depressing I know but I'm not hear to write a fairy tale. I'm here telling you a story of my life, where maybe you can grab the good out of it and subtract the bad. It's currently August the 14th my flight back to Miami is the 21st. I have plan to "do things right" when I get back to Miami and prepare for pre-season in Wichita which I'm definitely excited about. I don't know how long before I fall off track with my plans, as I always seem to do. I'm beginning to lose confidence in myself and question how bad do I really want this "dream". It's all I know and it's all I'll ever chase, will I ever reach it to the success that I dream about though, I guess you the reader will have to stay tuned in to see. Keep chasing your dreams, and remember take the good from here. Miami on Tuesday and Wichita in two months from now…take care guys God Bless!!

Dreams...

This was written on 05/03/12 Sure, we all have dreams. We've always wanted to be the person that "made it" or be the person who was different in a good way of course. But a quote so simple yet so profound comes to mind when I think of dreams. "To get something you never had you have to be willing to do something you've never done." So sure, we respond with, "Well I never gave up fast food, so I'll start doing that". That makes the quoted statement true, so we expect a different result. I think the proper quote or what was meant by this was something more like "To achieve something you've never had, you must sacrifice what you value most." Sounds a little deeper, and it may even make you question what is then more valuable that "dream" or those things you know you have to give up but don't want to. When you talk about sacrificing things you value most, I'm talking about those afternoon days at a friends house, or those weekends with your friends, or that girlfriend consuming up so much of your time. I'm not one to say anything i have done this all backwards since I signed my first professional contract. But, I mean you constantly see people achieve dreams and defying odds and still manage to do it living recklessly. So you go on to figure you can do it as well. Or you say well they live that lifestyle five times a week, I'll do it twice a week and should still be able to achieve my dreams. When your thought process becomes as such, step back and revaluate how bad it is whatever it is you want to try to accomplish. I can't ever remember responding any different when asked growing up what I wanted to be, other than a professional soccer player. Today, I still say the same thing when people ask me. But now the follow up to that isn't what it used to be. It used to be, "Well you have to do good in school, be a good kid, and train very hard at every practice to achieve that." Now the follow up is "Oh yeah, you're 21 years old what have you done and/or what will you do to make that a reality." It can go into so much more detail like your sleep schedule, your training regime, your diet, drugs, alcohol, how much water do you drink a day, do you stretch every morning, the list goes on and on. People think training 7 days a week is enough to make it as a professional. It doesn't work like that, there are so many factors out of your control, you must do what you can in EVERY part of your life to be successful. I mean go back to when you were a kid and you said you had a dream of playing professional anything, if it was soccer you didn't say my dream was to play for the Ft. Lauderdale Strikers (no disrespect intended, I played there), but what I'm trying to say is when we dream we usually dream of playing in Barcelona, Madrid, Chelsea, Manchester, the biggest football clubs in the world. But we're not willing to give up a few things we grew up with, cause we weren't raised with the mentality of a professional since the chances of making it are so unrealistic. Michael Jordan I can't quote the exact of what he said but he said something like, On your way to the top you must be unreachable, too busy, and training to get there, but once you get there you must be able to be reached out too, spend time, and help while continue training. I remember me telling my mom one day, "Ma the first time I ever see Barcelona play at the Camp Nou I'll be playing against them." I have an unrealistic out of no where chance of possibly making that a reality, I'm aware of this. But to get spiritual here, listen it's apart of me and when God has a calling for your life and you do what He is asking of you, you'll bear fruit. For God didn't make any of us to live in lack of anything, He made us to live an abundance. Recently I've been praying and hearing God real close to my heart slowly tell me things I must give up. I won't lie He's asked me for a lot, something I'm even hesitant about because I'm human and think you know I can do it, or that I've done it before so I can handle it. Honestly, though it's been probably the most clear I've heard God in a really long time Him asking me for a lot of thing- well actually everything. I ask God everyday for the strength to be able to give up everything to Him and He be in control in my life so that I may live as a supernaturalist everyday, and in Gods presence and grace! It's so easy not too, and so hard to do so. But I'm really asking God for the strength to do so, and to be able do His will in my life correctly. God Bless

Break...

I have a bunch of pre written blogs as I still enjoy writing. I just haven't been posting I don't know why exactly but I just haven't really felt like posting...So for now no more updates, maybe I'll change my mind seeing as I've touched people all the way in Budapest. Maybe I'm being selfish, maybe I want some privacy, maybe I'm afraid to see what some of you'll think? Anyways for now...no more posts, hope all my readers are doing awesome. God Bless