Sometimes you just have to laugh

So we're over mid way through the season here in Wichita and we're in the playoff race. Our next four games are very critical. We got to win I say 3 out of those next four to be in good shape for a playoff spot. So thats just the quick update on how things are over here in Wichita without too much being said. This past week was pretty crazy, I went to an invite only trial in Tampa, FL to try-out for the Tampa VSI Flames (USL). I was SO excited for as I'm always excited to be playing outdoor as oppose to playing indoor like I'm currently doing. I say it was crazy cause I had a game Friday night in Wichita against Rochester. A game we were "suppose" to win. Instead we lost pretty bad, it wasn't fun... So after losing that game Friday night I went home to rest ended up just staying up all night since I had to catch a flight at 5am Saturday. So on no sleep (not the smartest thing) I headed to the airport with my teammate who also was invited to this invite only trial in Tampa. Just got to my gate just as they were boarding (no surprise). So we got on the plane I caught a quick cat nap on the plane as we connected to Atlanta. From there hopped on our connecting flight to Tampa. Finally get to Tampa at about 11:30AM or so we had to be ready to train at 2pm. So we grabbed some power bars, & red bulls and headed to the fields. We complete our first day of training there, as for my self evaluation of how I did, I felt I did really well and stood out. Anyone who knows me, KNOWS that I'll be the first to critique myself so I was feeling real confident, plus friends of mine who were at the trial as well continued to compliment me, so everything was cool. I was suppose to stay at a friends house to avoid paying a hotel, luckily my teammate rented a hotel. Turns out my friend lives wayyyyy far away from where I needed to be so I couldn't get to his place. So I crash with my teammate he only asked for $20.00 for the hotel stay & gas. Thank God cause I really don't have money to be wasting like that, I don't make enough. Yeah, people have this assumption because I have nice things I have money. Let me clear that up real quick, I've been blessed with parents who want to give me all they can, I have a brother who doesn't hesitate to give me something if I need it and if I like something he almost always offers to buy it for me. Thank God for family huh? Also I used to make good money in my earlier contracts and is the reason I have other nice annemities I guess you can say. Okay back to what I was saying so I crash at the hotel with him for the night we pass out like at 9pm absolutely exhausted. Next day wake up at 7am and go out for our last day of training. Again I feel I have a great day of playing. At the end of the day I see the coach spoke with a few players one on one, he didn't speak to me. Instead I was spoken to with about 25 other players and we were told we'd be receiving emails in the coming days. I've been around long enough to know that means, they not interested in you. In the coming days I'd get an email we'll cross that later though. So after that my friend and I go chill out for a bit, then we head to the airport he has a flight at 7pm Sunday. My dumb self booked a flight to Chicago Monday morning to meet with the team that day and play a game at 3:30pm. Now remember my friend lived too far, and now my teammate was leaving the city so theres no hotel for me to stay at. I had enough money to get a hotel, but I don't have money + cab to be wasting like that. Sure, I could've called my mom, dad, or brother and said "Hey I have no where to stay, can you guys transfer me some money for a cab, food, and hotel please." I have ZERO doubt they would've snap sent me money, but as much as I have that luxury I hate using it. I'm not the type to leech off my family, they do SO MUCH for me as it is I feel like a burden to them sometimes. Not because they make me feel like that, but just how I feel about it. So I decide I'll sleep at the airport even though my flight didn't leave for about another 16 hours or so. So I lie down on the floor next to an outlet to have my phone charged and rest my head on my traveling bag. As I laid there knowing I failed another trial, not much money to my name, my indoor season not going as I envisioned. I thought damn I should probably be a little depressed, instead I took the latter. As I laid there I kinda just laughed at life. When you can laugh at life, it's truly a euphoric feeling. I laughed at my situation, and just thought hey its okay. You're doing what YOU want, you're chasing YOUR dreams, YOU get PAID to play what you LOVE. Not many people can say that, sure I don't live the best life. Can I live better in Miami with my family? For sure, but I could never comprehend if you have a CHANCE no matter how small it is, to chase your dream why not take that chance? So I continue to, regardless of ALL my failed attempts. Really, like I continue to fall, but I have such an AMAZING support system it keeps me going. I really just want to make it, to be happy but more importantly to give back EVERYTHING AND MORE to my family who's done everything possible for me. So after sleeping and waking up for 16 hours and eating a bagel and a Starbucks frap I finally board my plane to Detroit, from there get my connection flight to Chicago. When I get to Chicago I reach into my wallet and see I have about $75.00 I'm trying to savor every dollar I can. The team can't pick me up from the airport since they all traveled in a coach bus. So I head over to the taxi area and ask how much it costs to get to the hotel where the team was. The cab tells me it'll cost about $65.00....Again I kind of just laugh at the driver and say "Listen man I have $40.00 on me and about $2.00 in quarters could you just take me?" He sort of chuckles back and says yeah, that'll do. I finally got to the hotel, ate my teammates left overs from there dinner yesterday and a cold slice of pepperoni pizza. Again, I paused and laughed with two of my closest friends Kareem, and Edvin at our situation. They're pretty much in the same position I'm in right now at life. So we literally laugh at what I'm doing not showered all day, eating leftovers and a cold slice of pizza. Anyways from there we went to our game in Chicago, and it ended just like the whole weekend was not good. A bad loss to Chicago in a game that we really needed to win. After that hopped on a bus for a 12 hour ride back to Wichita. Finally got back to my house at about 8am Tuesday morning..... So that was a wrap up of my weekend, not the best one you can say. What I'm trying to get at with this post is that regardless of life throws at you be grateful, for your situation can ALWAYS be worse than what it is. And remember to laugh at life sometimes. It's not an easy thing to do, but enjoy life, remember the struggles, for when you do reach success life is gonna taste so much sweeter then. Cheers to your weekend being better than mine, and for the good coming weekends we're gonna have for the rest of the year. God is Good. God Bless

Friends

(A non proofread no edit post) Usually at the end of a phone conversation you click end on your cell phone. And thats the end of it. This conversation ended with just tossing the phone to the side and seeing the seconds increase as if the conversation were still going on. It's one of those where you don't want to hang up, but you feel hurt to where words would be just that, words. Usually words carry meaning, but sometimes you know when words coming without meaning or purpose. I decided to stay silent with so much to say. This is an immediate ramble post, and one speaking with emotion. I always felt the need to write off emotion as soon as possible because its the most truest thoughts being spilled out. Maybe sometimes a little over the top but nonetheless truth. How do you judge your friendships with people? Is it an X amount of time + Y amount of fun times = how good of a friend one is. Or is it X amount of conversations + Y amount of time they are there for you. Is it just the good vibe you get from them, the comfort, the easiness of being able to count on them. I'm thinking of how friendship is judged in my eyes. I judge mine on loyalty really, and by the amount of time the person has proved it. Obviously, naturally you must hang out with a person enough times for you guys to have that ease and comfort and knowing that the person is loyal. Do you have friends based on status? Could your best friend never be a drop out? Could your best friend never be a drug dealer? Does your best friend have to be a college grad? Does your best friend have to be exactly like you, or the opposite of you? I've had few best friends, the ones who have always been there are my blood. But along the days of my life, I've had people I consider my best friend, cause we clicked and I knew at the end of the day whatever I needed they would be there for me REGARDLESS of the situation. After trying to better my friend and not so much change him, but give him a future we have kinda distanced ourselves. Nothing really happened, and I think the loyalty is there which is something I respect more than anything. But I think we both realized we're headed different ways and he wasn't willing to come up, so I'd likely be falling if I didn't prioritize correctly. I've had other best friends who we became that over time, by being honest and real with one another about every situation. We want the best for one another and we got to telling each other so many like tight nit stories that nobody knows that we can literally trust one another with any piece of information. We also have common likes, and just click. No pressure or thinking of how one needs to act or something, its just all natural. Now what happens when lets say your best friend is of the opposite sex, and she gets in a relationship. You're known as the best friend, but from my observations doesn't it seem as if the best friend always falls way off. Like you guys used to be able to hang out no problem, but now theres jealousy theres constant questioning about your relationship with your best friend. And it seems as if coming down to it, you end up having to choose sides. Obviously the stronger more intimate feeling is with that person who you're with. But the other person has proved loyalty over time. What do you value more at this point? Ask yourself this as well, is your best friend going to be there for you when they get involved with someone else or they gonna cut you off. I'm all over the place in this post, but I don't plan on editing it. Cause I'm typing with almost no filter so I like this more. Now as your best friend, I will always want whats best for you, sometimes it may come off as hating. Honestly, I want what I feel is best for you, and will make you a better person. If I come to realize that I'm dragging you down because I'm not doing things right, then the ball is in your court do you choose to wait and try and lift me up with you? Or do you say you've only become a carry-on baggage that I no longer wanna carry. Now my problem with best friends and then one getting into a relationship, is don't get into a relationship with X person until they've seen and understand your relationship with me! That way when you do get in a relationship, that person knows how it is, there is no doubt and theres a level of respect. Cause of the loyalty you've proven over time, or occasions or whatever. ……I feel I may be the best and worse person to be loyal too. I will be there for you regardless and my loyalty will never be in question if you've proven yours to me. But by the same token sometimes ones loyalty is so much, its taken for granted. I sometimes give off an "I don't care vibe" just because I know that persons loyalty will be there at the end of the day. This is a flaw of mine, I wish I could change it. But at least I take recognition that I guess I'm an asshole. I say that because its really a fu**ed up trait to have. My loyalty won't be questioned, I would hate to break ones trust, or anything like that. But like I said, sometimes peoples loyalty is so strong that I don't take other times seriously. I think I'm done with the friendship part. I kind of want to get into something else real quick. When you're known for a certain act or thing, and it comes with who you are. Giving up that side of you is almost like an addictive drug. Cause you're an authentic person, you're a REAL person. So you feel like as if you can't change, cause if you do everyone will look at you differently now. And that thought scares you, that thought that people see you through a new lens thats unfamiliar to what you're accustomed to scares you. I'm done. Thanks for reading.

2012 Quick Wrap

What did I accomplish in 2012? I feel almost withered and non willing to write this new year post because 2012 was just simply put not good. I had some crazy life experiences, and some cool stories I can write about and tell you about for days. But what did I ACCOMPLISH, what did I LEARN???? It sucks when you read that and think "I didn't get much accomplished in 2012". What did I learn? I learned a lot about myself in 2012 and a lot of it gives me comfort, but more of it scares the shi* out of me. One good thing I learned was how much I truly value time spent with my family, and how much they REALLY mean to me. I learned some not so pleasant things about me, and its gross to look at. I don't feel as if I change that completely either which is the worst part, but I do feel like I can alter it defend myself against it at least into some slight moderation. I skimmed through my blog to see if I had a new years post but it seems my first blog post wasn't written till March in 2012. Sucks cause I didn't really set goals. My goals this year are small, they are small in the sense of what they are and small in the sense of a time frame. I figure if I work out on the little things the big things can come together but I must take it step by step, brick by brick. My goals for 2013. - Complete the Insanity DVD. (60 days) - Complete my diet regime of eating 4-6 meals a day. (60 days) - Workout 2-5x a week in moderation, because of training and insanity. (60 days) - Dedicate more time to a balanced lifestyle that includes God rather than social activities. - Stop wasting time/energy in social activities that aren't truly of interest. - Save money. Those are my goals for this year up to now. For those wanting to know how my second professional indoor soccer season is going, it's going not as good as I thought. I want to be playing more, I want to showcase my abilities more. But I hear a good motivation quote from ET not gonna put it in quotes cause its not accurate word for word. But it went something like, when you want something that bad, you not even worried about the games you spend more time working on practice and perfecting your craft then ever playing games. Greatness. It hit me good, cause I just took a different approach to training, somedays I'll admit I be upset usually after a game of not playing and my training day is weak, cause I'm annoyed. But most days I be out there running hard, getting in, and you'll get jokes like why you working so hard you ain't gonna play and its friendly banter. But I don't care so much for playing now, cause I'm working hard for me, for my future, for whats to come, for what GOD got coming for me. So don't worry about whether you playing now or not, keep grinding if its something you really want. So in short without to much detail the Wichita Wings season isn't going ideal for me, I'll continue to work and continue to be so grateful for the love I get from fans, friends, and everyone. Telling me to keep pushing, they'll notice you need to be out there soon enough. All throughout adversity you must respect your superiors. The decisions they make, what they ask of you, what they feel you should do. Respect, grind and keep working. Ima keep doing it and pushing it and I hope to see a reward soon. God is good all the time. But you must not quit when times get hard, even if you feel disrespected or you feel its unfair, however you feel you need to realize thats only gonna prolong you improving. You need to get over it, and continue pressing towards your goal. X amount of a hard work rate over a Y period of time = SUCCESS. BELIEVE THAT!!! I'm done with this blog hope your holidays and new years were wonderful. I promise to come out with a more detailed post soon! This was not proofread or edited, so enjoy the grammar mistakes!! God Bless!!!