One week later.

One week. All it took for me to push peoples buttons, and almost manage to tarnish a marriage. Crazy right? If anything you'd think I'm fuc-ing with someones wife or something, but na it's my own family. Monday night I got back from NYC I made a stupid selfish decision, Thursday I managed to do it again & to than Saturday was the icing on the cake. I disrespected, & nearly tore a family apart. I'm really that selfish of a person? Do I really think about myself and not others? I won't get that into detail but I mean I was born and raised with proper principles, proper morals, and pretty much a spoiled life. Why the hell can't I give back everyday to those who give me everyday. Who break there OWN backs for ME. Why must I attempt to please everyone and live a life that's not true. I was hit with some pretty hard words today, words that make u scared, words that make u feel pain, and not one mans pain, but 5 peoples pain, a families pain.

My friends who really do keep up with my blog know how I am. I'm never one to be shy about myself, and whether I had great success or great failure I will write about it. I'm not one of those people who only talk or show my face when I succeed only, I tell my story whether it's good, or bad. Cause I know it's something people can relate to. If I would only write when things were going good, everybody would think I have the perfect life. But that's not the case, the truth is I have been through a lot and will continue too, this just helps me vent and I hope it may also serve as a motivational tool one day for some people or maybe an inspiration, whatever. That being the case I'm making changes. I'm not really sure how many times I've said this or if I've even said it, but I really am. For now don't worry what exactly I'm going to do, cause quite frankly I'm not 100% sure yet what I am going to do, but definitely making changes and going to move forward with them for my own good. Is that me being selfish again? I hope not I'm just trying to change my life for the better. And not only for the better for me, but for those I care about most. Todays words from my dad also made me realize how true is the fact that my friends are counted probably on my fingers.


I also wanted to mention how incredibly stupid I've been over the past 18 months with my soccer career. I know what I want in life but at the same time I want to live a lifestyle that has it all when I don't. Not even close. If I truthfully would've gave soccer my all and tried right now I should be making a lot of more money, be a lot more successful. Instead I'm struggling, grinding, hustling. See in the past 18 months, I've taken soccer for granted and probably as of last month I took it serious again, and was really working at it, until I came back to Miami and people put me back into a lifestyle I love but isn't healthy and will end real quick for me unless I get on my sh-t. So I hope I'm able to salvage my soccer career after an 18 month money blowing, hurt my own body, ignorant, arrogant lifestyle. I've lost people, I've lost friends, I've gained friends, met great people, seeing lives changes, seeing lives taken, time to take my fuc-ing life into my hands and fight for what I want. Most importantly return to a lifestyle that's pleasing to God. Not a lifestyle that pleases me or you, cause why should I give a fu-k about making myself or you happy, when God gave me everything, he's kept me alive, he's kept me going, he continues to bless me. Heeee deserves my life, so I now try to make changes for the better to put a smile on my Gods face. If you down with my life, fu-k with me then, if you not ride out. I slipped, I don't do that often but glad my parents caught me slipping before someone else did. Cause my family gave me a second chance, you may not understand why I'm going so deep, but it's cause some sh-t isn't mentioned on here, but just know that I'm changing, so if ya see me and tell me I changed I hope you can say it's for the better, unless your a promoter and I'm not fuc-ing throwing hundreds in your pocket for something I can cap for $25 at the corner store. I'm not down to waste another 40k over the next 18 months. I don't got money like that, I don't want to live a life like that, I'm done. So enjoy what I gave you world, enjoy it good, cause I'm changing going back to God now, it's not easy I'm a prideful ni--a but I know God awaits for me with arms open. I just hope this time when he closes his arms around me, I don't let go again or push him away. God told me......I need gratitude maybe just a sample, cause he never gave me anything that I really couldn't handle..

God Bless..