Fear...

Ever wonder about how your life will be in 10 years, 5 years, 2 years, even next year. I mean some people have plans, other choose to just go with the flow and take life as it comes. I don't know, I mean I'm not scared of much but this is one topic that installs fear in me. I have faith in myself to get things done and to live a good life, and a successful one at that. But I gotta admit there are times where I just lay back and think. "What if I never become successful in anything, and am poor and broke and living on the street." I mean my life has always been a blessed one, a very blessed one at that. And even now since I graduated high school I been making my own money off my own hard work, and if soccer doesn't work out for me I have school practically paid for so I can always just get my degree and live a good life. I don't know maybe it's just me, maybe I'm weird in that sense. But damn it it's the truth. I know God knows I'm insecure at times about my self, a little self conscious, and fearful. But it's me, it's real. I sure act as if I don't have a care in the world and my life is the best. But that's just cause I have this other F word installed in me that pushes away this fear, it's called faith. This feeling of fear, and belief of faith constantly go at it. People have told me you don't need money to be successful, or to feel good about yourself but it sucks cause society has put in my head that we measure the success of a person by his net worth. In some cases I believe it in other cases I hate it, cause they're so many people in this world who do amazing things. For instance help feed the poor, make the earth a better place, go to Haiti and help out starving families who have no fault in a natural disaster such as an earthquake. Shit like that. I read something today that really hit me. I was on tmz.com, yeah go ahead act like you've never visited the website. Whatever I was on it, and read about how Mike "The Situation" famous Jersey Shore star, is set to make somewhere in the area of 5 million dollars next year. How? Well the show for one, his "abs workout" video, endorsements (whoever endorsed this clown obviously has no sense), appearances, and his autobiography...I mean seriously what is he going to write about for so many pages??? GTL? Gym, Tan, & Laundry for a couple hundred pages, it's pitiful. Then I scrolled down to see what people commented, and this one comment just stuck out to me as it would for anyone I'm sure. It said, "I was a US Soldier and fought for my country for 9 years and gave my life to it. Now I'm back in states and I only made $20,000 last year and am set to make even less this year. If this guy is making this much money in THIS country for being a douche, then I'm not proud to say I'm an american." I mean damn go back and read that again. The Situation, makes somewhere up to $5 million dollars for partying, being a weird shade of orange, and wearing Ed Hardy clothes. As for someone who risked there very own LIFE for 9 years dodging bullets for OUR freedom, makes somewhere around $20,000 dollars. I mean this is why I learned to not measure success anymore by our monetary worth. And this is why I'm choosing of giving up the fear I have about being successful and not living a "rich" life. Cause quite frankly society is fucked up, and has lost it's way. I refuse to lose my way, and my morals that were installed in me as young boy growing up. I won't forget my roots, and I won't be ashamed of what I become because I'm gonna be something great, regardless of what you say or think. I've been doubted for a large part of my life, and quite frankly keep on doubting me, you give me an added fire to succeed. And not for the purpose of succeeding and then throwing it in your face. I'll succeed and be quiet about it, and you'll hear about me one day. Whether I'm doing it as a professional soccer player, working a 9-5, I'm gonna make a change in this world. I'll make a difference. So fear I got two words for you fuck off, I got faith in myself to live a successful life, in whatever it is God has planned for me. That's all I ask for, God take my life into your hands and let your will be done. If soccer isn't what I'm gonna do that's fine, I promise you though that whatever I do in this life I'll give you credit and glory and I'll do it to the best of my ability. I'm gonna live a happy and successful life, so don't judge me based on shit I do now, and shit I will do in the future. This is me just being, and it's real. Get used to it. I ain't going no where. Dueces.


God Bless

God bless