I feel jotting some shi* down...
Anyways April 15th official signing to PDL Jax Destroyers.
Lotta feelings going thru me at this point in time and for the last couple of weeks, a lot decisions that I question and requestion if that's even a word.
Parents are in Europe have been there for almost two weeks they get back Cinco de Mayo.
Osama Bin Laden is dead, but it's not news to me...the media chooses what we hear, and what we don't.. What do I care for, same corrupt people running our government.
Looking forward to this summer, a nice getaway and just soccer everyday, God has given me a second chance to prove myself to be able to handle myself on my own, and succeed for His glory. I guess time will tell if I do my part this time around.
Temptation is a bit**
Enough....
God Bless..
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Jacksonville
First off...This city is beautiful! Nice people, peaceful, calm, everyone has seemed genuinely nice. I've enjoyed this trip so far, it's tough so flying alone, and staying alone, having zero human contact for most of the day cause your in your room since you have no car, and know nobody here. Anyways I first off want to thank God, for this opportunity to come up here to try out with a PDL team which is basically a summer league soccer team. It's there first year having a team, Eric Dutt the coach allowed me to come up here for the last trial this weekend yesterday was my first day and in two hours will be my last day, then a select few (including me I've been told) will play against Jacksonville University. Things are looking real good, and I think the most important factor, element, or whatever you want to call it is that I have allowed God to take control, and stopped trying to make things happen in my own strength. I remembered now that I am not able, or good enough to make this happen but God is my sole purpose and reason for continuing to pursue this dream. I believe it's Gods calling for my life. So things so far on this trip have definitely been a positive! I'm not gonna front though, I've been lonely up here I don't feel I have many people to talk to back home that I could really open up to, but thankfully before I came up here my boy (thank God for this niggas life) Albert he told me "You should never feel lonely, God is there for you, He is all you will ever need, don't seek a person seek him." He's completely right, I'm seeking for this physical compassion or love from a woman that I don't need right now. I'm not gonna lie it would be nice to have that, I remember when I did and it's awesome to have that other half pushing you and supporting you but I'm here cause of Gods grace and I have to continually seek Him, and bring Glory to His kingdom. I want to thank God for all the people He's been putting along my path that are helping me to really grow as a person! I'm gonna leave this blog saved up for now and will recap after my last training session and game......
Okay I got there at about 1:15 with training starting at 3:00 so I was VERY early. Goalkeeper coach pulled up at about 2, he's from England and played pro and asked me about my background and said he liked the way I play, and he could tell I had previously played pro, we spoke for a decent amount of time, and he truthfully gave me a lot of confidence going into the training session. This last session was very light and we were put apart about 16 of us from the majority of the players trying out. We trained lightly and were spoken about what formation we were going to play against JU...So training was fine, I did well scored two goals in a 8v8 game and we wrapped up at about 4:30. From there we went all of us 16 players to Subway and one of the assistant coaches payed for everyone, along with a Gatorade! That must've been the biggest Subway bill they have ever seen. Anyways after that we went to the training ground to play our game against JU. I was chosen as one of the starters and the game kicked off. JU has a pretty good bunch, at least offensively they have some foreign international players who definitely know what they're doing. I played a pretty good game overall, I was dead tired in about the 80th minute and asked to be sub, so I rested the final 10 minutes. JU had a very good attack and scored on penalty kick, which wasn't a penalty kick there player and our goalie collided on a 50/50 ball and they gave the call to the player...Stupidest call ever but what can you do. We were fortunate enough to get a goal in about the 86th minute to tie it up at 1-1 and the game ended with that result. After my game I was rushing to see if I can make my flight in time, before I left the coaches all congratulated me, and then head coach Eric Dutt pulled me to the side to have a few words. He pretty much said they really liked me, and my style of play. I have to work on my fitness, and my technical ability just a bit, and I should really be good to go. He also mentioned the best news for me of the day which still has me smiling, that was "we definitely want to sign you, so i'll keep in touch with you in the upcoming days." Finally after so much struggling because of my self and the positions I had put my self into. I've come to God stayed close, kept a humble heart, and finally I'm playing soccer again. It may not be a professional contract or anything but it's a start, and you better believe I'm going to work and not take this for granted. On top of that not do things in my own strength but for Gods glory. I have some awesome mentors in my life who are definitely going to keep me close, and reminding of Gods word and his unconditional love!
Anyways so boom I rushed out of there with a big smile on my face Rafael Diaz, my driver who's Colombian had brought his family with him, to take me to the airport. It seemed as if I wasn't going to be on time, but whatever along the way we spoke his family, and I. And wouldn't you know it his family has a very close relationship with God. We got into speaking about Gods kingdom, and it's beautiful I don't know how to explain it, but it's like when you see God putting the right people in your life. I mean seriously how many personal drivers are going to first of all open up to you like that, second of all be close to God, third of all they have their own radio station which they sing, and preach basically Gods word. I mean God is just moving in my life, and it's amazing and a blessing to see the people he's bringing along the way. I can definitely see myself hanging out with them when I get back into town May 10th.
Unfortunately I was unable to make my flight in time, I tried speaking to any tenant but nobody at all was working. The airport literally looked deserted. I mean I'm from Miami were somewhat like New York, in the sense that the city is constantly in movement and people are working around the clock. Well not the case here, there was zero tenants and zero flights leaving the airport. I weighed my choices, spoke to a cop, and he said I could go up the street to the Clarion Hotel or sleep here till about 4-5AM and wait till the workers to come in. I called the Clarion and they gave me a discounted rate for missing my flight, and now I'm here just ordered some room service, and I'm ready to hit the bed and figure out my flight arrangements for tomorrow back to Miami. I'm still happy though, I'm not letting something like this take away my high. I'm thankful for having an awesome God who's still here for me, despite all the things I've done to Him. Thank you God, I love you, I'm grateful...Gnight guys see you in Miami soon. Love y'all.
God Bless
Okay I got there at about 1:15 with training starting at 3:00 so I was VERY early. Goalkeeper coach pulled up at about 2, he's from England and played pro and asked me about my background and said he liked the way I play, and he could tell I had previously played pro, we spoke for a decent amount of time, and he truthfully gave me a lot of confidence going into the training session. This last session was very light and we were put apart about 16 of us from the majority of the players trying out. We trained lightly and were spoken about what formation we were going to play against JU...So training was fine, I did well scored two goals in a 8v8 game and we wrapped up at about 4:30. From there we went all of us 16 players to Subway and one of the assistant coaches payed for everyone, along with a Gatorade! That must've been the biggest Subway bill they have ever seen. Anyways after that we went to the training ground to play our game against JU. I was chosen as one of the starters and the game kicked off. JU has a pretty good bunch, at least offensively they have some foreign international players who definitely know what they're doing. I played a pretty good game overall, I was dead tired in about the 80th minute and asked to be sub, so I rested the final 10 minutes. JU had a very good attack and scored on penalty kick, which wasn't a penalty kick there player and our goalie collided on a 50/50 ball and they gave the call to the player...Stupidest call ever but what can you do. We were fortunate enough to get a goal in about the 86th minute to tie it up at 1-1 and the game ended with that result. After my game I was rushing to see if I can make my flight in time, before I left the coaches all congratulated me, and then head coach Eric Dutt pulled me to the side to have a few words. He pretty much said they really liked me, and my style of play. I have to work on my fitness, and my technical ability just a bit, and I should really be good to go. He also mentioned the best news for me of the day which still has me smiling, that was "we definitely want to sign you, so i'll keep in touch with you in the upcoming days." Finally after so much struggling because of my self and the positions I had put my self into. I've come to God stayed close, kept a humble heart, and finally I'm playing soccer again. It may not be a professional contract or anything but it's a start, and you better believe I'm going to work and not take this for granted. On top of that not do things in my own strength but for Gods glory. I have some awesome mentors in my life who are definitely going to keep me close, and reminding of Gods word and his unconditional love!
Anyways so boom I rushed out of there with a big smile on my face Rafael Diaz, my driver who's Colombian had brought his family with him, to take me to the airport. It seemed as if I wasn't going to be on time, but whatever along the way we spoke his family, and I. And wouldn't you know it his family has a very close relationship with God. We got into speaking about Gods kingdom, and it's beautiful I don't know how to explain it, but it's like when you see God putting the right people in your life. I mean seriously how many personal drivers are going to first of all open up to you like that, second of all be close to God, third of all they have their own radio station which they sing, and preach basically Gods word. I mean God is just moving in my life, and it's amazing and a blessing to see the people he's bringing along the way. I can definitely see myself hanging out with them when I get back into town May 10th.
Unfortunately I was unable to make my flight in time, I tried speaking to any tenant but nobody at all was working. The airport literally looked deserted. I mean I'm from Miami were somewhat like New York, in the sense that the city is constantly in movement and people are working around the clock. Well not the case here, there was zero tenants and zero flights leaving the airport. I weighed my choices, spoke to a cop, and he said I could go up the street to the Clarion Hotel or sleep here till about 4-5AM and wait till the workers to come in. I called the Clarion and they gave me a discounted rate for missing my flight, and now I'm here just ordered some room service, and I'm ready to hit the bed and figure out my flight arrangements for tomorrow back to Miami. I'm still happy though, I'm not letting something like this take away my high. I'm thankful for having an awesome God who's still here for me, despite all the things I've done to Him. Thank you God, I love you, I'm grateful...Gnight guys see you in Miami soon. Love y'all.
God Bless
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Why do we hurt those who love us most..?
As I mentioned in my last post God will take things away as quickly as He gives them to you. He will many times give you what you've been asking Him for to test you, to see how you react once you have it, and if you can't handle it right He'll take it away I thank God he took soccer, money, and friends away from my life as they were all harming me in one way or another. Anyways in this post I plan on talking about, family, love and forgiveness in a way that they all tie together.
A question often asked is "Why do we hurt those who love us the most?". Well why do we? Why do we hurt our family, our closest friends, and our loved ones, and treat them as if our relationships with them had no meaning sometimes? I think the answer comes down too as we grow up we do things opposed to what our parents say, example don't jump on the bed we do and anger them, once they get angry we ask for forgiveness and it is given to us. Same thing with God people ask God for forgiveness and He grants it to you. That's why I think first of all God's love is so under appreciated. Since it's an unconditional love, one you don't work for it's not so appealing since you can have it "whenever" and since if you hurt it you feel you can walk all over it...you get what I'm saying? Same thing comes into play with our families they tell us not to do something we still do it, because we no to a certain extent at the end of the day they'll forgive us and things will go back to normal. With these two types of love being used as our foundation as the first loves we know. It causes us to have that mindset, I'm not saying it gives it a reasonable excuse what I'm saying is maybe that's why we hurt that girlfriend/boyfriend/best friend that we all have, cause sometimes were accustomed to having that infinite love from a loved one that no matter what they forgive you. I know I sure was accustomed to it, and thought I could basically get away with anything. But I've learned just cause someone loves you doesn't give you the right to hurt them, that is why usually when you first meet someone that you like you try to make sure you do things right, for that persons feelings can grow, and they begin to trust you. Once you feel you have enough of their love, you likely feel inclined to be able to do things, and have no repercussions if you say your sorry. But that's not how things work, and you should never picture them like that....Im gonna end this post here, just cause I feel like I'm going to keep ranting & I'm tired I've had a long day, I have to be up early tomorrow for my class, and need this sleep. Basically Love God, Love your family, Love those who treat you well and Love you for you. Don't take things for granted thank God for what you got.
God Bless!!
A question often asked is "Why do we hurt those who love us the most?". Well why do we? Why do we hurt our family, our closest friends, and our loved ones, and treat them as if our relationships with them had no meaning sometimes? I think the answer comes down too as we grow up we do things opposed to what our parents say, example don't jump on the bed we do and anger them, once they get angry we ask for forgiveness and it is given to us. Same thing with God people ask God for forgiveness and He grants it to you. That's why I think first of all God's love is so under appreciated. Since it's an unconditional love, one you don't work for it's not so appealing since you can have it "whenever" and since if you hurt it you feel you can walk all over it...you get what I'm saying? Same thing comes into play with our families they tell us not to do something we still do it, because we no to a certain extent at the end of the day they'll forgive us and things will go back to normal. With these two types of love being used as our foundation as the first loves we know. It causes us to have that mindset, I'm not saying it gives it a reasonable excuse what I'm saying is maybe that's why we hurt that girlfriend/boyfriend/best friend that we all have, cause sometimes were accustomed to having that infinite love from a loved one that no matter what they forgive you. I know I sure was accustomed to it, and thought I could basically get away with anything. But I've learned just cause someone loves you doesn't give you the right to hurt them, that is why usually when you first meet someone that you like you try to make sure you do things right, for that persons feelings can grow, and they begin to trust you. Once you feel you have enough of their love, you likely feel inclined to be able to do things, and have no repercussions if you say your sorry. But that's not how things work, and you should never picture them like that....Im gonna end this post here, just cause I feel like I'm going to keep ranting & I'm tired I've had a long day, I have to be up early tomorrow for my class, and need this sleep. Basically Love God, Love your family, Love those who treat you well and Love you for you. Don't take things for granted thank God for what you got.
God Bless!!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
I'm back...
This is definitely one of the longest in between posts I've had, and for that I apologize. I just want to say that it hit me. So many things hit my mind during this absence of blogging. I seriously don't know where to start but I guess I'll try and start from where I left off.
So I basically left my last post by saying I was going to make 2011 a big year, on my own, and be productive to start off I honestly wasn't. Just reading the last paragraph I remember the person and thought process I once had, and what my thought process is now...Amazing how about 75 days or so can alter your mind set. You see this all goes back to when I was in high school, I was close to God and in obedience with my parents, and doing things under Gods wisdom. He promised me in the bible I will give you more than you dream about, I dreamed about realistically at the time to get a full scholarship to a division 1 program in the country. God blessed me with a professional soccer contract! What a blessing right?? See the things with blessings is how you use them, I used mine incorrectly. I thought once I signed that contract I could do things on my own, and it made me believe so more, when girls put me on a pedastool, I had money for a kid my age, had a nice whip, and basically was "living a dream". But as old saying goes, easy come easy go. And just like that my dream was snatched away from me a year and a half in. When your being paid bi weekly for playing, not really working you think money will never stop coming in. You think girls will never stop calling, you think friends will not stop inviting you to clubs, you think all these things. But just as quickly as they came when you were what you felt was on top, they leave even quicker. Friends abandon you, girls won't call as much or anymore, money is at short, and all those things that you used to think filled you up, really leave you empty and thinking "Damn I wasted my time". But see time is never wasted, when you sleep your body is recovering so there a plus in that time "wasting" period, sort of a silver lining so to speak. So what's the silver lining on this one, is that I learned and realized I can't do things in my own strength, and people are as fake as they seem. I'm blessed to have learned these personal experiences at the ripe young age of 20.
So to be straight up about my soccer career, I can't really blame anyone but myself this is the first time I publicly take this blame. I spent more time partying then training, I spent more time kicking it with girls, then kicking balls, I spent more time learning about Miami's nightlife & girls then about learning the game of soccer. I let all those things get to me, and that's a recipe for failure and it proved it self when it happened. I don't regret it, cause I think sometimes you need to fail to realize certain things, and only with failure would I have been able to realize these things.
My relationship with God has grown immensly over the past month. I have gone to a spiritual retreat, participated in bible study groups, testimonial speakings', and a decipleship. I'm so blessed to have so many people that truly just simply care for me as a person, not for the person I am or my personal status. I just really have to thank my family, and friends who have supported me through my tough times.
Where I'm at now? Living back at home in Miami kicking it..Training really hard on my own in hopes of a second opportunity from God to play professional soccer, I tried simply training with my former team Miami FC now known as Fort Lauderdale Strikers, and they denied me. I was quite shocked to be honest, but that's fine. I love doubters, and trust in God 100% that he'll play me once I'm ready. I don't plan on living a double life anymore, as in doing drugs, then looking down upon those that do it, partying so often, looking for girls, sex, and that type of nightlife fun as an outlet. I will instead look to God for that now. I'm also finally enrolled in university it's being paid for and I'm currently attending Keiser University but it's a pretty expensive private university and I plan on switching schools. I tried seeing if I can go back to NCAA to play soccer, but unfortunately I can't, although I can still play in NIAA I don't think I will. I'm studying for a business administrator degree, in hopes of getting that and taking over the family business which I've spoken so highly of. That pretty much wraps it up, I'd like to thank those who have continued to stay in my life through my tough times, and didn't perish, and for those who are moving with me to a better future. I'm blessed in such a large amount that I've never even counted that high. I love you God, and thank you all for reading sorry for my hiatus, I'm back and will hopefully be regularly blogging AT LEAST once a week. By the way I haven't proofread this so sorry for any mistakes in advance!
-God bless!
So I basically left my last post by saying I was going to make 2011 a big year, on my own, and be productive to start off I honestly wasn't. Just reading the last paragraph I remember the person and thought process I once had, and what my thought process is now...Amazing how about 75 days or so can alter your mind set. You see this all goes back to when I was in high school, I was close to God and in obedience with my parents, and doing things under Gods wisdom. He promised me in the bible I will give you more than you dream about, I dreamed about realistically at the time to get a full scholarship to a division 1 program in the country. God blessed me with a professional soccer contract! What a blessing right?? See the things with blessings is how you use them, I used mine incorrectly. I thought once I signed that contract I could do things on my own, and it made me believe so more, when girls put me on a pedastool, I had money for a kid my age, had a nice whip, and basically was "living a dream". But as old saying goes, easy come easy go. And just like that my dream was snatched away from me a year and a half in. When your being paid bi weekly for playing, not really working you think money will never stop coming in. You think girls will never stop calling, you think friends will not stop inviting you to clubs, you think all these things. But just as quickly as they came when you were what you felt was on top, they leave even quicker. Friends abandon you, girls won't call as much or anymore, money is at short, and all those things that you used to think filled you up, really leave you empty and thinking "Damn I wasted my time". But see time is never wasted, when you sleep your body is recovering so there a plus in that time "wasting" period, sort of a silver lining so to speak. So what's the silver lining on this one, is that I learned and realized I can't do things in my own strength, and people are as fake as they seem. I'm blessed to have learned these personal experiences at the ripe young age of 20.
So to be straight up about my soccer career, I can't really blame anyone but myself this is the first time I publicly take this blame. I spent more time partying then training, I spent more time kicking it with girls, then kicking balls, I spent more time learning about Miami's nightlife & girls then about learning the game of soccer. I let all those things get to me, and that's a recipe for failure and it proved it self when it happened. I don't regret it, cause I think sometimes you need to fail to realize certain things, and only with failure would I have been able to realize these things.
My relationship with God has grown immensly over the past month. I have gone to a spiritual retreat, participated in bible study groups, testimonial speakings', and a decipleship. I'm so blessed to have so many people that truly just simply care for me as a person, not for the person I am or my personal status. I just really have to thank my family, and friends who have supported me through my tough times.
Where I'm at now? Living back at home in Miami kicking it..Training really hard on my own in hopes of a second opportunity from God to play professional soccer, I tried simply training with my former team Miami FC now known as Fort Lauderdale Strikers, and they denied me. I was quite shocked to be honest, but that's fine. I love doubters, and trust in God 100% that he'll play me once I'm ready. I don't plan on living a double life anymore, as in doing drugs, then looking down upon those that do it, partying so often, looking for girls, sex, and that type of nightlife fun as an outlet. I will instead look to God for that now. I'm also finally enrolled in university it's being paid for and I'm currently attending Keiser University but it's a pretty expensive private university and I plan on switching schools. I tried seeing if I can go back to NCAA to play soccer, but unfortunately I can't, although I can still play in NIAA I don't think I will. I'm studying for a business administrator degree, in hopes of getting that and taking over the family business which I've spoken so highly of. That pretty much wraps it up, I'd like to thank those who have continued to stay in my life through my tough times, and didn't perish, and for those who are moving with me to a better future. I'm blessed in such a large amount that I've never even counted that high. I love you God, and thank you all for reading sorry for my hiatus, I'm back and will hopefully be regularly blogging AT LEAST once a week. By the way I haven't proofread this so sorry for any mistakes in advance!
-God bless!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Defeated or Realization..
Damn..Thursday Jan 6th my first day of back to training. They took us basically to a mountainside very high up, alright soccer fields with one of the most beautiful overhead views of a beach I've ever seen. I wish I could've taken picture of it. Anyways I was off to my first training session with Barranquilla FC (2nd division team Junior is the owner of them as well) I don't know why they told me to train with them, but I'm willing to train wherever they tell me. Anyways it started out well some warming up, movement, stretching some short passes, long passes mixed up. Then we played a 90 minute match.......For the first time in my very short 18 month career I have never felt that I couldn't keep up. It finally caught up to me, the partying, the going out, the kicking it at home, even the I'd rather eat and workout then go to the park and run. I was physically incapable of lasting on the field, I couldn't run anymore I was burnt out, I seriously felt like I was going to pass out. After the training session they told me to be at el Estadio de Romelio at 6am for a scrimmage game I assume on Saturday. I was sort of just glad to have another chance, as I'm here on trial so after every training session my fate is brought to me by either inviting me to another training session or sending me home...
Anyways after the long bus ride, then taxi ride home. I finally fell into my room and just turned on the shower and sat on the floor with cold water falling at my back. I prayed, and even then it couldn't make me feel better...Like I said I just felt so defeated. I don't know if it maybe just hit me that I'm not going to make it as a professional, or is this a test from God saying if you REALLY want this show me, and truly dedicate yourself. Nonetheless I'm not just going to give up, I'm gonna try and until they send me home I will. I hope that day doesn't come but if it does, I will be heading back to school and enrolling in University to pursue my degree and take over the family business. BUT until that day I will continue to strive for what I want. I have faith things will turn out the way God has planned for them to. I don't think this was all accidental or any of that. I trust in God and He says in the bible before you are promoted, I must see how you handle adversity and failure. I know I've talked about this in the past, so I guess I have to push through this again.
I've always said this blog is my life, not my success, not my failure, it's life. It's real it is what it is. So yeah gotta hustle, gotta grind, Lord make your will mine. I'm out everyone stay up & keep pushing forward 2011 BIG year were only one week in, 358 days left to make it a productive one get to it!
God Bless..!
Anyways after the long bus ride, then taxi ride home. I finally fell into my room and just turned on the shower and sat on the floor with cold water falling at my back. I prayed, and even then it couldn't make me feel better...Like I said I just felt so defeated. I don't know if it maybe just hit me that I'm not going to make it as a professional, or is this a test from God saying if you REALLY want this show me, and truly dedicate yourself. Nonetheless I'm not just going to give up, I'm gonna try and until they send me home I will. I hope that day doesn't come but if it does, I will be heading back to school and enrolling in University to pursue my degree and take over the family business. BUT until that day I will continue to strive for what I want. I have faith things will turn out the way God has planned for them to. I don't think this was all accidental or any of that. I trust in God and He says in the bible before you are promoted, I must see how you handle adversity and failure. I know I've talked about this in the past, so I guess I have to push through this again.
I've always said this blog is my life, not my success, not my failure, it's life. It's real it is what it is. So yeah gotta hustle, gotta grind, Lord make your will mine. I'm out everyone stay up & keep pushing forward 2011 BIG year were only one week in, 358 days left to make it a productive one get to it!
God Bless..!
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Sh-- that made me laugh...
Lol I got these pics from my friend Valentina shes kinda wack but a cool girl....hope you enjoyed them those were a few I loved the Brad Pitt one...aight im out...
God bless
Monday, January 3, 2011
Colombia..
Short post...Got here yesterday missed everyone out here, they make me feel right at home. Went to the training ground today, and was told to come back Thursday @ 3pm and report for training, and then again Saturday. From there I don't know what's next...So till then push ups, core, sit ups, reading of the bible, eating, music, and internet, will take up my days. My parents get here Saturday but Friday comes my cousin Isabella I've talked about her a lot and told you guys how important she is to me, so it's gonna be really cool to have someone like that around for a little bit at least. Nothing like support from those who love you the most. My parents get here Saturday but won't be in the same city but hopefully I'll have a day or two off to drive out to Cartagena to see them. Anyways those of you back in Miami who actually took the time to hang out with me, call me, text me, email me, tweet me, facebook me, etc to wish me well before I left and good luck, thank you! I have a good feeling of faith right now and am ready to work...You may not have seen it in the past but if you’ll stay in faith, it’s just a matter of time — victory is on it's way...
God bless!
God bless!
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